How does one detach from a thought that is keeping us in a loop?

Because those are the moments when anxiety is high; the fear, the doubts, the heartbreak. In that moment, how do we actually practice detachment?

We are told to detach from our feelings; but when anxiety is high, the big question is HOW? How do we detach from something we are feeling so strongly about that our bodies are physically reacting to it?

And the funny thing about detachment is that, in order to detach, you first have to allow yourself to feel the whole feeling. That, in itself, can be what begins to break the cycle and the loop; so that the thought no longer takes control of your body and mind. And if it does come back; next time, you know how to deal with it.

But we aren't taught how to detach from a thought that is causing us harm. We are taught all the random facts about Henry VIII and algebra; but somehow no one teaches us how to regulate ourselves.

So these are some practices that I have found really help me in those moments:

1. Find a safe space

Try to find yourself a safe space; both in your environment and with the people around you. Being around the wrong environment or people in those moments can really make or break how you feel. They can heighten your anxiety when what you actually need is to feel safe enough to regulate yourself.

You need safe space; safe people; safe love.

2. Begin your box breathing

Start with box breathing; breathe in for 4, hold for 4, and breathe out for 4. Slowly, slowly deepen the breath; moving towards 6 seconds in, 6 seconds holding and 6 seconds out, if that feels comfortable.

The aim is to give your body a signal that you are safe; allowing your breathing and body to gradually settle.

3. Feel vulnerable

Speak or write down what you are feeling; say it to yourself as raw and honestly as it feels.

This is where being around the right people and in the right environment really matters. If you are voicing something you are scared or hurt about, the wrong person can heighten that feeling, make you doubt yourself further or deepen the hurt.

If you don't have someone safe to talk to; practice this alone. Write it down. Say it out loud. Let yourself acknowledge what is actually happening inside you.

4. Recognise the hurt

Recognise the hurt and the pain; allow yourself to feel those emotions and don't apologise for having them.

Be proud of yourself for acknowledging what you are feeling. But this is also where you remind yourself that these feelings don't control you.

The anxiety doesn't control you; you can learn to respond to it rather than allowing it to control you.

5. Surrender

Accept the feelings and the situation; then surrender.

Tell yourself; there is nothing that can be solved from a state of anxiety or fear.

So we move to step 6.

6. Ground

When you feel you have released and cried enough; ground yourself.

Have a few options that you know help bring you back to yourself. Go for a walk; paint; dance; shower; clean; talk to God; draw; play a game; or do anything that helps bring you back towards neutrality.

This part is also really important for maintaining spiritual discipline. It completes the feeling of surrender because ultimately, sometimes things are simply not within our control.

We have done our part; now we release the rest.

7. Get on with your life

Now get on with your day; your week; your month.

The thoughts may come back. But they may not come back as strongly.

And if they do; return to your breathing. Remind yourself that this is something outside of your control. You don't need to solve it from a place of panic.

Keep breathing and allow your body to recognise that you are safe.

With practice, the thought can become something you notice rather than something that completely takes over.

8. Break the cycle

Once you have practised this enough, the thought can begin to have less and less impact on you.

You have started to break the cycle.

The test may come around again; the thought may return to see whether you fall back into the patterns and behaviours that weren't serving you.

But now you know how to break the pattern.

You know how to detach.

Where the thought once overwhelmed you and sent your mind and body into panic; you can become someone who notices the thought, allows the feeling, regulates yourself and lets it pass through you.

And eventually, you return to surrender.

Because detachment isn't about never having the thought again.

It's about the thought no longer having the power it once had over you.

You have the thought; you feel the feeling; you regulate; you surrender; and you let it pass.