The Goal of Meditation Isn't To Control Your Thoughts, It's To Stop Letting Them Control You.

Meditation is a weird one for me, I always assume it should be done in complete and utter zen; silence with someone speaking to you in a soothing voice, whilst your eyes are closed and you lay there still. Now I do definitely enjoy this in small doses; it goes without saying, it does allow your body and mind to reach a place of calm and a feeling of being content. However, someone like me can’t go to that place very often, for so many reasons, mainly having a busy lifestyle and also, I suppose it wasn’t my most favourite way to destress.

Now if we look at the benefits of meditation:

- It is a way to manage stress

- Helps you focus on the present

- Reducing our negative emotions

- Teaches us patience

- It can help increase creativity

- It controls anxiety

- Provides us with self-awareness

- General strengthening of mental and physical health

All of the above sound so appealing! But whatever I did I just could not get to a place of contentment, I just couldn’t find a place where I could stop my mind from running around, thinking all sorts of things, even making up scenarios about things that probably wouldn’t have even happened. Even if I had a productive thought, my mind was always running away with crazy thoughts, that I would then find myself blocking my positive productive thoughts.

Growing up, I subconsciously found one form of meditation, colouring. Back then colouring books didn’t exist for a teenager; so, I would just go buy a children’s colouring book to colour in and to this day, they are still my favourite types of books to colour in. The new books for adults GIVE me anxiety! The pictures are soooo small! and so busy it adds more fuss into my mind! I did find that I had a specific way to colour and it was a line at a time, I found moving my hand in a slow motion making that line, gave me such peace Vs that fast-paced scribbling kind of colouring, that definitely did not give me that calming effect. This was my way of meditating, with each line I would find peace, I would let a thought go with each line, I would challenge my thoughts with each line and find a resolution with each line or counteract the thoughts I would have. It definitely did help me reduce that negative emotion and it very much brought me to the present moment. After I finished a piece of colouring, I would always sigh a big sigh of relief and I felt a lot lighter.

As I got to my late 20’s I found another form of meditation, a “weird” one but just washing dishes! I think this came from something I used to do many years ago, it was me trying to wake up for school and I used to run my hands under warm/hot water, this would bring me to stillness and I would feel awake and fresh, I know it is usually cold water that makes people feel awake and alert- what helps others as a standard, it is usually the opposite for me; but you know over time I soon realised the normal things never seem to work for me! Anyway, back to washing dishes; everyone says you have kids, loads of plates etc so get a dishwasher! I literally cannot. The idea of having to rinse a dish, BEFORE you load the actual dishwasher to then have a noise constantly of a machine whirring in the kitchen, also waiting for some dishes or cutlery you need, because actually when you do have kids, they need a 1000 snacks a day, so I cannot wait for the machine cycle to finish then the wash finally comes to an end and then having to bend down to pick all the dishes up and then putting it all away….oh and then maybe spotting a few items that didn’t actually get fully cleaned in the dishwasher- yeah all that just stresses me out way more! 10x more anxiety for someone like me. For me standing there, firstly neatly organising a pile of washing and then having hot soapy water pouring over my hands, whilst listening to some good music or a good podcast and just lightly scrubbing the dishes clean just gives me so much joy and reduces my anxiety. I can see why Mrs Hinch and many other people have blown up with the cleaning accounts, it really does help! The cleaning the organising.

When I was in my dark/depressed place, the house I lived in then, was always a mess, I never completed the décor, had piles and piles of clothes to put away. It was a vicious cycle! I just needed to put the clothes away, just needed to pick up the paintbrush … but I couldn’t! My energy and mood was always low. The space I lived in definitely was messy and it just mirrored my brain…messy! My new house reflects me so much more now; I really tried in the previous house to be the Afia I wanted to be; but no! But Afia est. 2019 has turned it around and my new place reflects the person I am now. The décor, the organising and just the overall “mess” is now non-existent! I mean I have 2 kids, a husband and a niece who live with me so they most definitely accumulate a mess ha-ha but nothing like before; everything has a place now whereas before that wasn’t even a thing! I am very conscious of ensuring I don’t ever get back to that place. This is where my meditation techniques come into play.

Writing this blog is so therapeutic for me also, as well my colouring and washing the dishes. It took me a lot of time to find the techniques I needed, to get to my relax mind. You see, once you have relaxed and emptied your mind you find that you will have the most productivity. Don’t feel pressure to conform to the idea of what people think meditation is; find your own way to meditate and practice it, go to that place when you need that downtime.